Kerr’s Universe

Was crossing the road earlier on when coming to work when I realised that the cars which have stopped at the junction about 20metres away have started to move off. Was about to increase my pace to cross the road when in the split second I decided to stop in my tracks. Then an instinct urge me on and I ran across the road, just in time to miss a few cars. No doubt that the cars would probably not have hit me, since its bright daylight and they could see me perfectly well. However, I realised, there are times which call for a decisive, immediate and instinctive action. Indeed that is exactly what I need at the moment.

I’am currently in a stalemate position in a "so called" argument with a friend. Well, perhaps it ain’t really considered an argument as of yet. Since what we have done is to merely dished out our individual unhappiness towards the other party. Anyway, I’am in a situation which I do not know how and whether to proceed.

B’cos? Well, b’cos

1. If I proceed with the argument and argue my hearts out, the friendship would definitely take a turn for the worse.

2. If I do not proceed with the argument, I would be so bottled up as there are really some points which I would want to raise it up.

Looks simple? Perhaps not.

Firstly, the background leading to the argument itself is confusing. In fact, if I substitute this fren of mine for another into the same scenario, I am pretty confident that no such scenarios would have arisen at the first place.

Secondly, either one party is acting blur or perhaps both party is acting blur at the same time. The main agenda driving behind the scene has absolutely nothing to do with the argument itself. In fact, the argument is really a lousy makeshift smokescreen to conceal the actual problem which is ever present.

Thirdly, what’s there to explain and when the crux of the argument is something which is to be kept under wraps. Thus, there is seriously nothing to explain my weird behaviour or actions except the truth itself. Since the truth can’t be shown, what else can be done except to say even more weird stuff which I myself are not convinced. What’s the point then.

Okay, maybe it is just me who have made the problem look so complex, but nonetheless, the time has come for more decisive actions. One which I would say, the friend of mine have already taken a couple of months back, in certain sense. I guess its now my turn to walk that path as well.

I must say, I have really tried my best, but I have failed. So I guess, the time has come for more drastic action to be taken. Do believe me that I treasure your friendship and companionship more than anything. I truly appreciate that. Believe me.

Just caught the show earlier on. In case you are asking what show that is, take another look at the title. If that still doesn’t ring a bell, you probably haven’t been to the movies for a long time oredi. Oh well, it doesn’t matter anyway and the show isn’t a blockbuster hit.

The movie started with the super standard plot of boy meets girl. Can’t be more cliche than this. And not surprisingly, boy fall in love with girl and almost vice versa…girl took slightly longer.

Oh well, then it started to look a bit different from here…neither of them fall totally head over heels with each other and they do not promise undying love or the usual soap opera’s standard of heart wrenching and tears dripping plot. However, perhaps due to that, it started to get a bit boring and slow moving, absolutely nothing stunning or spectacular that I got a bit bored at the start and started questioning myself whether I have picked the wrong show. (Com’on, get it going already). Worse of all, it was ME who suggested this show to my friend, who is sitting right beside me in the theater.

Opportunities followed by opportunities, missed, each and everyone of them. Concealed emotions, hidden feelings, mind games, other commitments in life that made choosing a certain path a little more tricky, not daring enough to plunge in and commit, unsure of their own feelings, bad timings…did you notice something already. Surely looks a lot like real life to me.

Then something hit me. The reason why the show is moving at such a painstakingly slow pace is b’cos it is just like real life, showing things that we dread most and real life ain’t all beautiful, fast pace, enticing and luring at times. In fact, it usually sucks. Things just doesn’t go the way you want them to be for most of the time, doesn’t it?

The reason why we find most romantic comedy or romantic films so nice and attractive from the start is b’cos it is portraying a world which we envisage and wished for. Who doesn’t want a smashing love at first sight relationship which would also be an enduring, exciting, interesting and everlasting relationship.  Seriously, given a choice with no conditions attached, who doesn’t want it? However, how often does such a scenario happens in real life? Almost none, practically zero. The world’s isn’t perfect, man isn’t perfect and thus relationship, a creation of this world with man’s involvement, wouldn’t be perfect either. Of course, that doesn’t stop us from dreaming the impossible, does it?

Of course, the show is still a show ultimately, it still have to account to its audience ultimately. The couple would still somehow end up together in the end, no matter how they have F***** up their karma previously. Seriously, this is just to satisfy the crowd, as how often does this sort of things happens in the real life. Almost none. There is a window period for everything and when that window closes, it closed. Time never waits for man and life goes on.

"Why do we fall? - So that we learn how to pick ourselves up." - Batman Begins

I have started on this blog late last night. (26th June 2005) However, after writing for about a page or so, I have no idea which button I pressed on accidentally and the entire window closes and yesh…together with everything that I have written. I was like….wtf! It was seriously late at night then and I was not exactly in the best of mood then to re-construct everything that was destroyed.

Well, I shall try that now. Shall go to town after I complete this blog. Going to check out a book by Paulo Coehlo - "Zahir". Absolutely no idea what the book is about. But since I like the author, shall go take a look. Was introduced to another book by my colleague "Year Zero". Apparently its on iconology and symbology. Hmm…shall try to find that as well. Oh ya, did I mention that Kinokuniya is having 20% discount until 30th June 2005 if you cut out its coupons which could be found on last Sat Straits Times. Okay, I better start my reconstruction, before I digress any further. Here goes…

I was having conversation with a couple of close friends at different occasions recently. That was when I noticed that I have not met up with them for a pretty long time already. Some dating back half a year or more.

I would have attribute that to my weird working hours at times and the hectic workload that I have, but a closer review on my schedules seemed to reveal otherwise. Indeed, for those who have been keeping in touch with would have realised that I have actually picked up quite a few new activities, namely, salsa and aikido. Thus, if I really have no time, I wouldn’t be able to make time for such ECAs as well, isn’t it. Well, in brief, I really have no time, as all the free time after work has been taken up by these ECAs. (To think that I actually have the intention to add a few more onto this list, most likely yoga and inline skating)

Okay…this is by far, a blog entry that has taken the longest time for me to complete…cos I just decided to leave office for town to pick up my books and watch my movie…oh yesh…before completing the entry

Let see now, where was I…oh ya..free time…let’s take a look at my weekly schedule…

- Monday/Tuesday: Movie days…(cos its cheaper)

- Wednesday: Upcoming salsa lesson

- Thursday: Salsa @ Union sq

- Friday: More union sq or salsa practice

- Saturday: Hanging out with Tseyong & co, ktv with krys & co or more union sq

- Sunday: Sleep the whole day follow by Aikido in the evening

So, basically, it just leaves me with about 2 days a week, if I skip a day of Union or if I only catch 1 movie that week. Hmm…actually not too bad ah. But somehow, just couldn’t find time to go out…strange…(a bit of contradiction here isn’t it….hmm…)

The thing here is that these ECAs have become so routine that its more like the main ciriculum. Indeed, there was a time when "trouble" seems so much for me to bear that these ECAs were truly essential to spent my excess energy and time. However, with the commencement of work, I starting to find myself grasping for time for myself. Strange indeed. Defintiely self inflicted. Perhaps its time to re-evaluate how I employ my time.

Btw, I would be going on 1 month long leave in September, anyone who happens to be planning for a vacation then…do give me a ring. REally looking forward to my leave, it has been a while.

A friend of mine just came back from her trip and brought this phrase back with her which I tink is rather interesting.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." 

Hope you find it interesting as well. Cheers!

I tried several ways to move my existing blog @ http://kerr2014.multiply.com/journal to this website, but to no avail. It appears that unlike the usual ‘blogger’ or ‘live journal’ which is on a RSS platform, the one at multiply.com, isn’t and no way could I transfer my previous posts over here. Well, just drop by my multiply site and take a look. You might like it and actually sign up for another account there…hahaha (wonder how much multiply pays me ah, to openly advertise for a direct competitor on their turf)

Oh yesh, to Don’s comment. Nope, you guys don’t have to shift. I would just post my blogs on both sites, for the convenience of you guys. (Don’t I sounded as if everyone wants to read my blog.)

Is currently doing my deployment for the ‘Asia-Middle East Dialogue’ conference and I haven’t slept a wink since last night. Probably sounded a bit cranky & crazy at the moment. In fact, it could well have been my sub-concious mind that is penning this post.

This is the 2nd time that I have joined friendster. The first time was sometime back in 2002, when friendster just started. Then subsequently, I cancelled that account and remove myself from friendster. The reason for doing that is almost ridiculous by anyone’s standard. Perhaps that was necessary then, but nonetheless, still ridiculous. Anyway, I’am back! A lot of has happened during this period and I have, indeed grown from it. For the better or worse, I’ll leave it up to you to judge.

Anyway, about a month ago, I started another weblog cum friendster style service @ http://multiply.com. Got quite a few post inside, however, with the really low take up rate of people joining multiply.com (everyone’s on friendster), I guess I shall just do a migrate and bring those articles over.

Feel free to pen your comment, so I can get to know your perspective as well.

Cheers!